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So I haven't done this in a while....

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Sep. 12th, 2009 | 08:48 pm

Just wanted to post something. Seems if I post to Myspace, its a bad thing. And I'm just in a ranting mood.

Love, the concept, feelings, true love, connections.

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking in this area. A lots happened. The brief of it is that I met back up with my very first gf, Amber. I pretty much pushed her out of my life 9 years ago due to just a lot shit. I didn't understand the concept of love, how to love, how to be in a relationship, any of that. I needed to grow up, and I'm not sure if I did or not. But the main thing is she came back into my life even after the horrible letter I wrote. She basically wanted to try being friends since I was her best friend and we had a great connection. And she wanted to see me happy again and to help out if she could. Turns out she had gotten married in the past 6 years, had a daughter and was doing well. Life was okay for her, despite a lot. The only thing that wasn't so good was her marriage, atleast emotionally. Some how we started to reconnect, a friend of mine offered to take me to MB, where Amber lives. She met us at the hotel we were staying in, we ended up kissing, and to this day, I will never forget that kiss. It retarded me pretty much. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't walk right. It was just overwhelming. AND EVERY KISS was like that. Well not the extent but I literally could feel her love physically, as though I was reconnecting with the other piece of my soul. NO ONE has ever done that, and the only other time I felt like that was when I kissed her the first time. I just thought then 'this is what it's like to kiss someone'.

Things didn't turn out as I would have liked. WE ended up sleeping together, despite her being married. We knew we were crossing a fine line and we took the chance. Less than a week later, he finds out. She switches from being majorly in love to me, to being in love with both of us. Shit keeps spiraling out of control, to the point, that he and I actually meet, to basically figure out what she wants, what we want, etc. I end up stepping down, being just her friend. It

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